I’m pretty sensitive to energy. I pick up a lot from people, and my husbands super gentle, loving vibe is part of the reason why he’s so special to me. But that wasn’t what kept me around through 8 years of pretty much near-constant fighting. It was something deeper, a sense that there was something amazing waiting for us, hidden below all the BS we were going through.
“If you could just clear the static” the voice in my head kept saying, “it could be so good.”
But feeling stuff like this isn’t unique to me. We all have a frequency that can be felt – and the fact is, I totally believe in the science of frequency.
Frequency is what you hear the moment you turn the radio on. It’s the sound of your humming as you go about your day. It’s a single note on a piano, your favourite band rocking out at once, and the words coming out of your mouth.
And it’s in the tone of your soul too. You don’t hear it but you sometimes sure feel it, especially around someone you’re not jiving with.
We all have our own individual tone, like a musical note. And when you take this note and combine it with one that doesn’t compliment it you just get noise. Clashy noise that feels yucky and disruptive.
Without harmony, no matter how hard you try you just can’t bring yourself to like or accept someone whose tone is too dissimilar from yours. This isn’t to say you couldn’t one day, but for now your frequencies just don’t harmonize.
But when you mix your frequency with one that compliments yours, watch out… because what you’re feeling is some pretty incredible music. When you’re with someone like this it’s like a melody you feel deep down, right to your core. And technically, it is.
What you’re feeling is your heart expanding and your body humming with strong feelings of love. There’s a sense of comfort and connection, and you can almost hear your own soul say, “this fits”. And yes, this can seem confusing if your outer world together is filled with turmoil.
They call feelings like this “cognitive dissonance”, when opposing thoughts are happening simultaneously inside your head. “This feels so shitty” says the train of thought associated to all the disagreements and fighting. And right behind that, “This feels sooooooo good”, every time you hold each other close.
You see deep inside them, past all the noise and BS that life’s baggage creates. And what you notice is so beautiful it makes you ache inside. All you want is for them to be that beauty, to hear past their own noise, and let that beautiful frequency come out and wrap itself around you.
But these connections aren’t without struggle, and it’s within the struggle that you’ll find a ton of spiritual and emotional growth. I know I did.
Why does it have to be so difficult?
Because fundamentally, connection on any level is about growth….growing through the conditioning we’ve developed by the baggage picked up in life, that thing I call static. Growing into self realization. Growing out of vomiting past hurts into your present life. Growing into happiness beyond what you’d been taught to expect.
These relationships that seem difficult on the surface, but feel perfect underneath it all, help us move past the fear we developed from break ups and betrayals and unkind words that stay too long in our heads. Soul connections teach us patience and tolerance, that Love is the spiritual tool designed to help us elevate our consciousness and conquer the Cavemen, lizard like parts of our brains.
Video: The Easy Way To Meditate So You’ll Have A GREAT Relationship
I got my first taste of this after the first fight with my hubby. I forget what it was about, I forget why he left, I forget how long he was gone for and I have no idea why he came back, but I’ll always remember how it felt when I opened the front door, and without a word fell into his open arms.
It was the first time I was conscious of just how well our bodies fit together, like one of us was made from the mould of the other. There was this energy that wrapped itself around us, and I has an unshakable premonition in that moment.
If we could work through our baggage, pure heaven waited on the other side.
That feeling turned into words, whispering through the next several years of fighting over kids, exes, money, and time; “If you could only clear the static, it would be so good.”
And I was right.
It was a long hard battle, punctuated by therapies and break ups, but we worked through it all because we saw into each other, felt that connection, and knew deep down that we had harmony. Real harmony.
Incidentally my hubbie is the least spiritual, most practical man I know. Yet somehow he’s also the wisest and most soulful person I’ve ever met. My own evolution has skyrocketed since meeting him, and continues to grow even today.
As for myself, I’m what you’d call a “practical spiritualist”.
Yes, I have a lot of spiritual beliefs, but they’re built around my own (very) physical experiences. Like the time I brought some guy’s energy into my own field of consciousness during meditation, said “hello” for the first time, felt the physicality of his presence, and then “knew” his leg was amputated. I know, “whoa!” was what I said too!
I did this back in my 20’s, at a retreat designed to teach meditation techniques and the power of your own mind. It was seriously the coolest thing I’ve ever done, and it helped me realize that we don’t have to be face to face to feel a connection with someone… even a complete stranger.
By the way, never let harmony allow you to accept or settle for disrespectful behaviour and treatment. Never. Because though someone’s frequency might feel extremely complimentary not everyone is actively trying to be a better human being.
So let’s be crystal clear here.
Standards are the tools we use to help fellow humans reach higher and become better people. Absolutely every relationship has a code of conduct; respect me, my individuality, my freedom of expression, and my path to self discovery. If any person in your life can’t follow those 4 simple rules then you need to re-evaluate your exposure to them.
If it’s family, you’ll want to keep the time you interact with them to a minimum.
If it’s a love interest, you need to create solid boundaries. If respect is unattainable with these people, say goodbye. They’ve got more growing to do before they’ve earned the right to be around you.
Are you wondering if you’ve found your soul mate? Confused because there’s a lot of fighting? Are you already in a relationship with someone great, but you don’t know how to get to amazing together? Then get one of my books. Fix That Shit -A Couples Guide To Getting Past The Sticky Stuff teaches you how to evolve your relationship from any amount of fighting to zero. I’m counting 4 blissful, fight free years as I write this.
And that, my Dear Reader, is what I call Magic. Something you deserve too.
Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favourite online book retailer) . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to sign up for her mailing list (scroll all the way to the bottom to join, and get a free book!) and check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.