I Broke Up With Him, But He’s Still Pulling My Strings
July 14, 2017
When Is The Right Time To Ask If He Wants A Relationship?
September 7, 2017

Dear Chantal,

Last week I went on a first date with someone I was set up with through a mutual friend. We had a great time, had a lot in common, and the conversation flowed the whole night. He even mentioned having another dinner date. The day after our date and again yesterday he texted me to say he’d had a good time, and I said I did too and would love to do it again. He wrote back “same here,” but I haven’t’ heard from him since.

 

I’m wondering if I did something wrong. Was I too forward by saying I’d like to see him again? Should I send him another text? I liked him a lot and think this could go somewhere, what do you think I should do at this point?

Valerie

 

 

 

Dear Valerie,

Another hot topic lately!

 

Letting him know you had a great time was perfect and is in fact something I always tell my clients to do (if that’s the truth!). Men who are into you always like to know when they got it right.

 

The fact is it’s never too early to tell someone you like how they light you up, because you just don’t know when they’re going to start leaning in and applying what they’ve learned in order to win your heart.

 

Here’s the thing about dating though – patience is your best friend.

 

Sometimes it takes a few turns inside a man’s head for him to come around to really settling into you. The key is letting him to come to the idea himself, otherwise it loses value in his mind. You’ve heard the age old “don’t tell me what to do” way men can be bullheaded? If you try too hard to draw him in it may backfire, and he might come forward but with a bit of subconscious, childish resentment, then blame the fast pace you set for things not working out. Or worst case scenario, he might take advantage of the fact that you’re willing to rush into things and have his fun, then move on to the next conquest. 

 

You want to show interest, then see if he’s going to pursue matters. Leave it where it is, and see if he reaches out again. I like to do a 1 to 1 ratio for texting in the beginning, that way you’re investing but not over investing.

 

MNA 3d

 

Keep in mind that he may be dating other people too, as should you. The first three months should be about observing his behaviour and noting what’s consistent versus what falls off. Have you ever read a paragraph that was missing letters or words (or even written backwards), yet your brain was filling in all the gaps and giving you a relatively seamless reading experience? This is actually one of the things that gets in our way when it comes to looking for love – we fill in gaps when in reality we should be giving time for them to fill themselves.

When it comes to dating time and space eventually reveals all. Time for someone to unfold, and space to give you the moments of reflecting you need to make sure you’re not glossing over any red flags. If you’ve been following me at at all you know what I’m going to say next: Have a no kissing for three months rule.

Following this simple guideline for a first kiss keeps you from making costly mistakes because 1) you’re not committing to a guy who hasn’t proven he’s able to pay attention to you consistently for a relatively short period of time and 2) it keeps you from tying yourself down until a good man has committed to you because you’ve proven to each other that you truly click. Save that bonding kiss until you find someone who’s really leaning in all the way to the three month mark and turning your crank with his caring attention.

 

When it comes to tackling the dating dance and making sure the next man you choose is the right partner time is of the essence, especially the older you get. It no longer makes sense to spend time wearing blinders because you’ve been caught up in the rush of initial emotions, only to realize you never should have chosen this guy in the first place. Because of that I recommend my book No More Assholes – Your 7 Step Guide To Saying Goodbye To Guys And Finding The Real Man You’re Looking For. This will give you the tools you need to reduce dating anxiety (meaning you won’t pull in the wrong one for you), and everything you need to know about making sure you’re open for the right man to come along and win your heart. 

 

In the meantime reduce your anxiety so you’re not worried about how this will go. Listen to this once a day with headphones, it will help ease those anxious moments where you wonder if you did anything wrong. You didn’t. You’re fine 🙂  The right one is on your path, waiting for you to recognize him.  If you feel like listening to more soothing tracks to help you relax while you play this waiting game (instead of the Hoping Game, which guys love) I have a whole playlist called Let’s Meditate filled with great meditative music. Use headphones, because they’re Binaural Beats, which help your brain enter a meditative frequency faster, making your meditation time more efficient.

 

Using logic instead of just chemistry when you’re looking for The One will help you find him faster than if you get emotionally wrapped up in the wrong relationship for six months to maybe even years. Keep your heart and head free and open when you first meet someone, because three months of building chemistry – or not –  is nothing compared to finding the right man who’ll be by your side for the next 30 to 50 years.

 

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationships.  Her books Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, and Fix That Shit are available on Amazon. View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to sign up for her mailing list to be eligible for free giveaways. Photo Credit www.MirroredMuse.com

 

Leave a Reply

Buy now