It seems the people who piss me off the most can sometimes be my best teachers, and through the years my husband has, at times, been an exceptional professor.
He’s taught me some remarkable gems and I’m going to share some of them with you, in the hopes that you can learn those lessons without the “WTF” moments I had to go through in order to see the light.
You don’t have to like it.
Sometimes what you gotta do has just got to be done, and whether or not you want to do it has nothing to do with the fact that doing it is in your best interest.
But hey, if there’s an element of challenge doesn’t it mean you’ll get a better outcome, once you go through whatever it is you’re pushing yourself to accomplish?
It might not always be pleasant, but nobody said you have to enjoy every inch of the journey when you’re growing.
Buy the book that got us from “mediocre” to AMAZING. Click here to find on Amazon
I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with me.
Wow. How perfect a statement is that?
Next time you find yourself yearning for someone who isn’t giving you the time of day, bring those words to the forefront of your brain. They’re going to save you a lot of grief in the long run.
The truth hurts.
I’ll be honest with you, this one was a bitch to learn.
I hated it when he’d say those words to me, because it was always when I was busy pointing a finger at what I thought was deficient in someone else’s character. “They’re irresponsible!” I’d say, and he’d come back with “Yeah, but you’re irresponsible too.”
“Nuh uh!” Yup, no way my ego was going to accept that particular notion.
“The truth hurts” he’d say, almost gently. Till finally, one day I realized just how right he was. When someone says something that makes your ego sit up straight you bet that was a truth nugget your ego was vehemently combatting. Because that hot flash of anger meant reality just clashed with that ideal notion I had of myself.
You can’t help who you fall in love with.
The heart wants what the heart wants, am I right?
Sometimes, someone just clicks for you, and for better or worse you’re along for the ride. What was it about them? Who knows… maybe a past life connection, a soulmate (or soul buddy) needs to see out a lesson of growth with you, or it could just be plain old biological pheromones.
Whatever the case is, someone somewhere will make you weak in the knees and you’ve just got to shrug your shoulders and say, “Whatever. I surrender.”
But that doesn’t mean you need to pursue a relationship. Not every connection will be healthy for you, and it takes logic to realize what your path should be, not feelings or chemistry. So while you may catch a serious case of the feels for someone, your behaviour should always be under your control.
Just because it’s on the internet, doesn’t mean it’s true.
Okay, fair enough. The fact is our society is click hungry right now, and people are even admitting they’re fudging facts to get curious (and bored) people like us to click on content.
Why are people making shit up just to get us to follow their links? Because they’re making money off it, and where there’s a trail of money there’s usually an element of corruption. So beware.
By the way, I reallllllly wish he’d apply this logic to his belief in DT. But that’s a whole other story.
Get your shit together.
Look, whether we like it or not we’re having an impact on the people around us, and the choice we have in the matter is will it be positive or will it be negative?
Getting your shit together doesn’t just make your life better, it creates a ripple effect. People will be inspired by you, or at the very least might work harder to not let you down. Your efforts can lift your soul, and when you rise you bring people with you. Win win.
And here’s one from me, just to round it all out:
Calm your shit.
I meditate. Like, regularly and a lot. Why? Because I’m an asshole when I don’t.
I never realized just how much meditating would change who I was till I made it a habit. See, meditation shrinks a section of your brain called the Amygdala, and that’s your fight or flight center.
When I’m not meditating enough I get anxious in traffic, and start laying on the horn. And swearing at people. I get impatient and bitchy with my husband. I smile less.
I average 10 to 20 minutes a day, and even though I don’t meditate every day I’ll make sure I’m putting in more time should three or four days go by without sitting down with my headphones and some relaxing tracks. I even made a playlist on my You Tube channel to make it easy to pick something to listen to.
And when I get behind and my Amygdala starts shooting off and turning me into a beast again, I make sure I catch myself and say “I’m sorry, I’m feeling off and need to meditate”, so my husband doesn’t feel like I’m scapegoating him when I should be taking care of my own mental health.
Look, relationships aren’t always meant to be easy. We meet people who will either take us backwards in our emotional growth, or forwards in our spiritual evolution, and neither is a comfortable experience. But being courageous enough to find someone who will hurt you the right way, someone who’ll help you face your shortcomings and support you while you become a better human being is ideally how you’ll rise to a whole new level of Goodness in your life.
Were there times when I hated my husband? Sure there were. Before we got to blissful love and 4 years without fighting (and counting) we both experienced a ton of emotional rejection towards each other. It’s never pretty when you face your ugly sides.
But we learned from one another. Learned to face ourselves, sans filters, and rise above who we were when we first met each other. We became more open, more understanding, more patient, and ultimately, more loving because we learned that when you come to terms with the flawed human being you are you can choose better behaviours, and become better partners.
And really, isn’t that what this thing called Love is all about?
Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they're looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.