That’s right, we’re not just different on the outside, we have a ton of differences inside our brains too…and when we understand those differences, relationships become so much easier. For instance, I’ve had to learn that there’s nothing wrong with my husband feeling silent and distant sometimes, and he’s had to learn that when I have a “problem”, all he has to do is hold me (when I’m done talking of course!) and tell me everything will be alright. All better, thanks baby!
I always say, with understand comes compassion. So when we treat other people’s behaviours as something we want to understand rather than something to take personally and be offended by, we treat them with a light that can shine nothing but love. And that is where true, intimate, loving relationships take place, within the light of understanding and compassion.
WATCH: BUSTING THE MYTHS ABOUT MEN’S FEELINGS
So what’s the tip today?
Allow space in your relationship.
Space for the other person to be themselves, the good the bad and the ugly, without holding them to expectations of how they should fulfill your expectations. Allow for dark clouds or silent moments, without internalizing their journey and making it into something that makes you feel defensive. By being “easy” about how your partner behaves, you allow them to run through their feelings faster, since you’re not delaying their internal problem solving with adding one more thing…fixing your feelings. Not only will they pass through more quickly, they’ll step forward more lovingly once they have.
This is advice for those moments we all go through, on a regular basis, while we process how life is happening. What do you do for those seriously dark moments when life hits your partner with a two ton pile of sh*t? You check in, and offer yourself in any way they need or any way you can think of. Then fulfill what they ask for and be their rock, as best as you can.
Here’s what you can do going forward:
If he’s NOT ready to commit and you’re tired of this scenario, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.
If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.
Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.
Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they're looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.