I got this relationship question at one of my talks, and I wanted to share this with you because I know a lot of us women fall deep into all the wonderful words that we’re told, and the combination of pie in the sky promises and Oxytocin (our own love chemical) from touching is irresistible. Unfortunately, reality comes all too soon (typically after 3 months, when we get used to the Oxytocins in our system), but too late to save our hearts. I’ve spent far too many years far too many times waiting for those dreamscapes to become reality before letting go of relationships that just weren’t going anywhere. Here is how you can avoid those mistakes going forward.
Q. How does one date without feeling too deep into a relationship before realizing the person is not right for you?
A. The fact is, you’re going to feel what you’re going to feel. One of the first wise quotables my husband said to me is “you can’t help who you fall in love with”. How true. People will come into your life and light that fire inside of you, and you WILL fall head over heels. It’s natures way of giving you a push into the arms of a partner who will help you make that baby, because lets face it, nature really wants you to! It does’t matter how old you are or even if your baby making days are long over, that flush of excitement will happen, and most of us will get swept along if the words and the touch are right. So how do you keep from giving your all before you know, REALLY know, just who is the person standing in front of you?
Time is the answer. Those kisses are intoxicating, but that’s all they are…literally. Kissing actually creates a chemical within us called PEA (phenyl ethylamine), which stimulates us by creating an aphrodisiac, which is super fun! But if you’re looking to find a long term relationship, fun isn’t the end all and be all, and you need to be on the lookout for all the qualities you want in a man. By the way, have you made your list yet? Of all the qualities he possesses that make him perfect for you? This will help you maintain a little more perspective while those sexy lips are moving…
Give yourself permission to wait three months before committing to to a relationship. Better yet, give yourself three months before kissing…it’s hard to get out of a river when the water is deep and rushing. Keep the waters still, and you’ll be better able to see all the way to the bottom…where there might be some crocodiles waiting to bite you.
Let his persistence, his perseverance, his consistency, his proof behind his pudding, be what wins you over. Not the castles in the sky that we all dream up when we first meet someone. I’m not saying don’t dream…I’m just saying don’t let the dreams sway your heart and pull you into a relationship, but instead let reality win your love.