So this guy asks you out – and I call him a guy because you don’t know yet whether he’s man material – and your mind goes into overdrive:
He’s not my type
We disagree on *THIS* topic, that’s a deal-breaker
I’m not attracted to him
Whoa there, lady! He asked you on a date, not for your hand in marriage. Why are you getting worked up? Why not go on a date with him?
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Maybe fiction has ruined you. You’ve seen so many made-up reformed bad boys that you think you want one. Well, how do you know he isn’t a reformed bad boy? Furthermore, what if he was never a bad boy at all and you could just skip the bullsh*t and go right to the happily ever after? Give him a chance.
What is your type, exactly? And how do you know he isn’t it? You know what you’re not looking for in a man and if he exhibits the behaviour you definitely don’t want, ok, walk away. But if he just seems like he might not be your type, give him a chance.
Did someone tell you this guy’s a loser? How do they know? On what grounds are they basing “loser” on and how much do you respect this someone’s opinion? If they don’t know him any better than you do, give him a chance. It’s better to make up your own mind rather than get caught up in gossip.
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You’ve talked to this guy before and you do not agree on a majorly important topic to you. Fair enough reason to take a minute to ponder this date invitation, I’ll give you that. But I’m going to point out that he also knows that you disagree on this topic and he seems to like you anyway. Give him a chance and find out whether you can respect each other’s differences.
He isn’t a member of the same religion you are. Lame! Interfaith marriages are successful all the time. It takes a great deal of respect and a lot of work to make everyone happy in that circumstance, but those negotiations are earmarks of a successful relationship anyway. Give him a chance.
Is he an awkward dude? Maybe he hasn’t dated very much. Maybe he has social anxiety. Maybe he’s shy. Maybe he’ll be more comfortable around you as you get to know each other better. He took a huge chance in asking you out. Give him a chance!
When shouldn’t I give him a chance?
If this guy turns you off, if there no hesitation in saying “no” to his invitation listen to your gut and walk away.
How much of a chance should I give him?
Give him three dates. After 3 dates you should both be comfortable enough with each other to know whether this is something worth pursuing. Those first 2 dates you can blame a missed connection on lousy wait service, the fact that one of you was having a bad day, or that it was too loud at the restaurant to hear each other. By the end of the third date you’ll know whether you’re interested in getting to know him better. If you’re still hesitant then cut him loose so that both of you can continue on the road to The One.
Catherine Muss is a freelance writer based in Waterloo Region. She has a Bachelor of Journalism from Ryerson University, and she would have minored in psychology if she’d taken the “right” psych classes, but she took the fun ones instead.
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