Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?January 27, 2019
Wait, can you?! Well, actually, yeah, you can. But it’s going to take a lot of work.
First, you need to be clear about the differences between being with a Guy versus a Man. When you’re with a Guy, your relationship is punctuated by fights…often. There’s a lot of drama, tiptoeing around, fighting over a lot of little things and especially over money. Sex can feel like a desperate plea to keep him around, and you’re lonely for all the wrong reasons…usually because half his attention is on other women.
In this relationship you feel Distrust, Anger, Hurt, Fear.
When you’re in a relationship with a man, you have the freedom to pursue your interests, see your friends, do what pulls at your heart. There is a willingness to repair or avoid conflict, and from conflict comes growth of character. You share a sense of intimacy and community with him and you are lonely for all the right reasons…because maybe he works long hours to ensure his family is provided for.
In this relationship you feel Peace, Happiness, Gratitude, Love. And a bit of Fear…cause it rocks so much you don’t want to ever lose it.
So how do you turn a Guy into a Man? If you haven’t slept with him already, don’t. Then don’t kiss him for three months. And if he’s still around he’s worth the fact that you’ve been practicing these 5 steps:
1. Calm yourself.
That’s right, I said it. What do you want? Peace? If you’re going to ask him to calm himself so you can calm yourself you’re not being fair. What do YOU want? Peace. So you need to start training yourself to accept peacefulness. Create the space in your life for peacefulness and it will come. Field of dreams, right? So make time every day, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 if you can swing it. Sit quietly somewhere, put on some headphones and some nice Meditation music from You Tube (I picked some out for you already), and give yourself space to feel peaceful. Otherwise you won’t have it at the level that you really want it, because if you can’t make it for yourself, ain’t nobody gonna make it for you.
Find some nice meditation tunes here https://goo.gl/pf6QFd
WATCH: How to meditate and have a GREAT relationship!
2. Define your boundaries.
First to yourself; really sit with them and become comfortable with the idea that you’re going to change your boundaries, because once you set them expect pushback. As long as you stand firm, you can alter the situation. If you give in, you are back at ground zero. Every time. And remember, anyone who does not accept your “no” is trying to control you. Don’t be afraid to give em the boot. You want to be with a man who sticks around because he cares for WHO YOU ARE, not for what he’s getting.
WATCH: I have a pretend first date so you’ll understand how to have the conversation about boundaries!
3. Reward good behaviour.
Men want us to be happy, so tell him what he does that makes you happy, then do something back to make him happy. Love is a verb, and Love makes the world go round…and round. What you give comes back, and if it doesn’t you notice, so give back when you feel happy. Spread that stuff all over the place and watch it grow. It’s amazing.
WATCH: How can you get your man to be more agreeable?
4. Allow moments of silent contentment.
It’s a man thing, but you’ll learn to appreciate how he can savour his feelings, and allowing him to feel them in his way now and then just heightens his feelings of intimacy towards you. Which, in the long run, is really nice. Like, compound interest nice.
WATCH: Busting the myths about men’s feelings!
5. Repeat. Enjoy. Love. Grow.