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Dear Chantal

I keep hearing about “spiritual connections” in relationships and I’m wondering if something like that actually exists.

I’m currently single and looking for “the one,” and I want something that feels very deep and connected, because it feels like that’s what’s been missing from my past relationships. But what should I be looking for? I know compatibility is important, along with shared values and affection levels, but should I be waiting to find something beyond that? And what would that feel like?

Is it possible to have a relationship that goes beyond regular day to day stuff? Should I wait until I feel something spiritual, or just look for someone compatible and leave it at that?



Dear Jenn,

Personally, I’m what you’d call a “practical spiritualist.” Though I have a lot of what most would call “spiritual beliefs”, they’re largely built around my own physical experiences. You see, I’m a science nerd at heart, and since seeing is believing I can’t help but believe that we can connect with each other on a level that goes beyond our physical bodies.

In my experience I’ve “met” up with a complete stranger in my mind, “felt” their energy, and was able to deduce that one of their legs was amputated. And I wasn’t the only one, since every other person at the retreat I was at that weekend did the same thing, each of us feeling a different person and understanding what ailed them.

I also know my husband “feels” it when I’m particularly loving. I’ll be close by and change nothing in the way I’m physically interacting with him, but once I turn on a big surge of love in my heart he inevitably gives a little “mmmm” of appreciation and hugs me tighter. Shhhhh….. he doesn’t know I do this 😉

And then there was the time I was suddenly struck by a mental image of the walkway leading to my husband’s office, and I thought maybe it was time to go bring him supper. As I picked up the phone to ask if he was hungry it rang in my hand, and lo and behold it was him saying I should be careful if I’m bringing supper soon, since there was a hose laying across the sidewalk that he didn’t want me tripping over in the dark. Huh.

I believe that we all have a frequency (something which is backed by scientific research; even our organs have their own individual frequency) and it’s because of my experience with my hubbie that I finally realized just what it means to feel a strongly complimentary frequency. Do I believe in soulmates? I think that word is really just another way of defining the harmony that’s created when two complimentary frequencies come together.

It took me a while to put it together, but the way it formulated in my head is like this:

We all have our own individual tone, like a musical note. When you take a note and combine it with one that doesn’t compliment it, you just get noise. In human terms, these are the people who no matter how hard you try, you just can’t bring yourself to like or accept them. This isn’t to say you couldn’t one day, but for now the frequency they’re emitting just doesn’t work with yours.

But when you mix your frequency with the one that does compliment it, you get beautiful music, something that makes you want to sing and dance inside because it feels so good. When you’re with someone whose tone compliments yours, it’s not a music you hear, but more like a melody you feel deep inside yourself. It’s like a puzzle piece that seems to fit just right. Your heart expands, your body hums with strong feelings of love for the other person, you feel comforted and connected with them, and if you’re meditating regularly and your intuition is awake it says, “this fits.”

You feel like you can see deep inside the other person, past all the noise and BS that life’s baggage creates within us, and what you see is so beautiful it hurts YOU to see them not realize it. All you want for the other person is for them to BE that beauty that you see in them, to see past their own noise like you do and feel they are as beautiful as you know they are.

These connections are not without struggle, in fact it’s within those struggle that you find your own spiritual growth. Why? Because fundamentally, spirituality IS about growth….growing through the conditioning we’ve developed by the baggage we picked up in life, which I call noise. Past the fear we’ve developed from break ups and betrayals and unkind words that stay in our heads. These relationships teach us patience and tolerance, and that Love is the spiritual tool to help us conquer our lizard brains that want us to fight or flee all the time.

I never quite understood this until after the first fight with my hubby. I forget what it was about, I forget why he left, I forget how long he was gone for and I have no idea why he came back, but I’ll always remember how it felt when I opened the front door and we hugged. It was the first time I was acutely conscious of just how well our bodies fit together, like one of us was made from the mould of the other.

I could feel more than our arms were wrapped around each other, and I knew in that moment that if we could work through our baggage pure harmony waited on the other side… and I was right. It was a long hard battle, punctuated by therapies and break ups, but we worked through it all because we both saw into each other, we both felt the music between us.

Incidentally, my hubbie is the least spiritual, most practical man I know, yet somehow he is also the wisest and most soulful person I’ve ever met. My own evolution has skyrocketed since meeting him, and continues to grow. Go figure.

Never let this feeling allow you to accept or settle for disrespectful behaviour and treatment by the way. Never. Because while someone’s frequency may feel extremely complimentary, we are all humans learning to be better, and maintaining standards is how you help your fellow human reach higher and strive to be a better person.


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