The Ultimate Way To Seal The Deal (With Scripts!)
When you’ve been dating long enough to feel like “this might be The One,” it’s time to know; Is this headed towards commitment? Or should I start thinking about saving what’s left of my heart for someone else?
Great questions, and ones you want answers to before you invest more of yourself, right? Well, read on, because I’m going to help you understand what he’s thinking so you’ll gain the clarity you need to plan your next step.
If there’s one thing I’m great at, it’s creating “Scripts,” designed to help someone open up without triggering defensiveness.
And by using these specific talking points you’ll be prepared to
Take it to the next step and solidify the relationship if he says “Yes, I’m in!” (Yay!)
Find the one who’s ready if he’s not (and it’s time to move on)
Are you ready? Then let’s get some Magic happening in your love life.
Uncertainty sucks when it comes to love.
One one hand you really don’t want to lose something that seems so good. But on the other, you want to protect yourself against being caught up in an emotional one-way street if he’s not ready yet.
Do you stay and hope he gets there? Or move on before you invest more emotion and time? Sometimes this talk can feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. Here’s the thing you need to understand though;
Your future partner shouldn’t be put off by your willingness to be upfront about your desires and intentions.
And by being transparent about your goals you’re likely to get exactly what you want faster because people who aren’t on the same page as you move on, while those who share your values and appreciate your traits stay and become part of your growth.
So just in case he’s not all in, I’m adding the script for the perfect time-waster-eliminator when someone new is on your radar. Because if there’s one thing I’m passionate about, it’s helping you find Love sooner rather than later.
Ready? Here’s your script:
“Hey Joe, I just want to say, I’m not telling you what to do, and you’re absolutely free to do what you want. I just need to let you know that while I’ve been having a lot of fun with you, I’m actually starting to look for a long term partner to (insert life goals outlined in broad strokes, like “buy a house and have kids”) with. What about you?”
This phrasing is super important for a lot of reasons. When you start off letting him know you’re not trying to be controlling, you really ensure you’re not triggering his “fight or flight” response. Cause we all know, men dig their heels in the moment they think someone’s “telling me what to do.“
I’m not saying it’s right, but keeping their mental glitches in mind will get you a lot farther than trying to swim upstream, against their knee-jerk tendencies.
WHY IS IT CALLED THE "HONEYMOON" PERIOD?
So make it clear, you’re just letting him know what you want. Following that up with a question which lets him speak his mind gives you an opportunity to understand where he’s at too, and you want that.
As scary as clarity is sometimes, we need it to make the decisions that are right for us.
Be sure to be what I call a word nerd when he answers. If he hems and haws, stalls, stumbles, and seems unsure in any way, that right there is your answer.
A man who’s into you and wants something long term isn’t afraid to let you know.
I know it’s scary to put yourself out like that, but I often say fear is the most expensive emotion you’ll ever have. And when it comes to dating one of the big costs of fear is the time you’ll lose with the wrong person.
Look, you and I both know if you’re too afraid to speak your mind you end up staying in the wrong relationships for too long. Which means that while you’re tied up with someone you’ll later realize is Mr. Non-Committing you’ll have missed (who knows how many) opportunities to find someone who’s actually looking to settle down with Wonderful You.
What if he says “No thanks?”
First, you’ll be okay if you can walk away saying, “Lesson learned.” But what would be the best lesson to take away from all this? That you can take your time before dishing out your heart, the next time around.
See, in my opinion, the first few dates are the ideal time to have the conversation about what you’re out there dating for. Think about this for a second. When you’re sitting across from someone on a first date are you confused about whether or not it’s because you’re looking for no-strings-attached fun versus a long term relationship? Likely, no. Well, guess what? Neither is he.
Having this conversation early especially counts if the chemistry is there, you see long term potential, and want to see if this can develop into a committed relationship.
Because if you’re feeling all that and let yourself fall for someone who isn’t looking for a commitment yet, the longer this lasts the more your heart is in trouble. Why? Because chances are if he entered this with the intent of never committing, he’ll be leaving with the same mindset, no matter what you say or do.
DON'T LET THE "PITT-BULL SYNDROME WRECK YOUR LOVE LIFE
Sometimes the biggest obstacle standing between you and real love is falling for someone who’s only going to end up saying “Ohhh… Well, I’m actually not ready for a relationship right now. See, it’s taking me a while to get over my ex and I’m really busy with work… But you’re awesome and I’d love to be friends with you.”
That’s when you get hurt and start venting that guys are assholes.
They’re not. You just picked someone who wasn’t ready for a relationship yet.
We All Go Through Phases
Especially when it comes to relationships. Sometimes we just want some no-strings-attached fun fun, and sometimes we’re past that and looking for someone to settle down, buy a home, and start a family with.
Those are two distinct and very different mindsets, but when it comes to finding someone to share either of those phases our behaviors look very much the same. Meet someone we’d like to get together with and see if it works out.
So don’t waste your time.
The burning question always is, is the person you’re interested in on the same page?
My question back to you is, “Why guess?”
Which is why I wrote the most revealing dating book you’ll find. I’m serious.
Not only do I tell you all the secrets guys don’t want you to realize, like how kissing makes you commit before he does, I walk you through all the dating steps in a way that protects your heart and helps you choose someone who’s ready for a relationship, PLUS I help you decode men, elevate your love game (self-love first!), and put some wicked manifesting vibes to work.
You’ll find No More Assholes, Your 7 Step Guide To Saying Goodbye To Guys And Finding The Real Man You’re Looking For on Amazon of course. And if you’re wondering where that title came from, it’s the words that literally flew out of my mouth, standing alone in my kitchen after hanging up on the LAST bad relationship I’d ever have.
When it comes to finding your long term romantic partner you absolutely need to vet twice (especially if you’re not one of the lucky ones with a good track record when it comes to picking guys). Once for mindset, and then for compatibility.
Is he a selfish, short term thinker, AKA a guy? Or is a generous, long term thinker, AKA a man?
Knowing where his head is at before you get involved means you can focus on men who match your mindset, then vet again for that perfect fit.
So have the conversation the next time you see him. If you “scare him away” ask yourself, what exactly did you scare off?
Someone who wasn’t looking for the type of relationship you are? Someone who didn’t feel he saw enough compatible traits and values to pursue anything more than a casual fling?
If that’s the case aren’t you better off not being tied down to this guy?
And don’t think you know what’s going on in his head unless you ask directly.
Assuming is how we end up spinning in relationships that go nowhere because guys just looking for something casual avoid bringing up the topic of commitment.
They know the moment you’re certain he’s not leaning in for the long term you’re going to start thinking exit strategy, and he’ll have to get to work finding his next fling.
Guys tend to play what I call “The Hoping Game”, where you hope the time, energy, and expenses you invest will pay off, turning him into the committed man you’re looking for. But meanwhile, he might be hoping you won’t ask before he loses interest in having more sex with you.
WHEN IT'S TIME TO FOR SERIOUS LOVE
Have you heard about my No Kissing For 3 Months rule?
You want to have that “Hey, are we on the same page?” conversation within the first couple of dates, and definitely before kissing.
Why before kissing? Because (for most of us women) kissing creates the chemical that bonds us to someone, and if we’re not clear about who he is or what he wants, kissing creates a lot of confusion.
The rush of chemicals released when we kiss imitate drugs like Meth and Ecstasy in our brains, and we feel so warm and fuzzy and excited it’s hard to separate these induced feelings from reality.
Are you falling for him because you know enough to be falling for shared values and awesomeness? Or are you being swept along by your body’s flush of warm, tingling, happy biological responses to affection?
If you haven’t taken the time to get to know each other before that first kiss takes place, and haven’t straight up asked where he is in his search for love, no wonder you’re confused.
And confusion sucks, doesn’t it? It can paralyze because you’re afraid one step in the wrong direction will blow the whole thing up.
So lay out your desires without demanding he meets them. You’re just letting him know what you’re looking for, then giving him the freedom to choose.
If he’s looking for something serious he’ll appreciate meeting a woman who’s honest about herself, and if he’s not he’ll move on and leave you free to find a man who’s already on the same page.
But you have to shed any fear of letting the wrong person go if that’s the case.
So how do you have that conversation on a first, second, or third date? Simple.
Here’s your script:
“I really like you! (Insert genuine compliments here and touch touch touch. Doesn’t matter what you say, it’s your touch that tells him you like him)… You’re fun to be with, so funny and attractive, and I love how easy it is to talk to you.
“I’d love to see where this goes, but I don’t kiss before 3 months because I don’t want to commit to someone I don’t know.
(Science science science! Read this article on kissing to learn how to lay it down!)
“I need to tell you, I’m not looking for just flings anymore. I’m at that point where I’m looking for a long term relationship.
“So I’m not going to kiss someone I don’t know because I really want to be sure I’m making the right choice next time. How about you? Where are you at?”
I HAVE A PRETEND 1ST DATE TO SHOW YOU HOW TO INTRODUCE NO KISSING FOR 3 MONTHS
What all this does is tie your behaviors with your intent, something that makes a helluva lot of sense to the sort of man you want to be with. Listen, if all you want is fun fun with no intent for a long term relationship right now, then go have fun! I seriously have absolutely nothing against that.
But if what you want is a committed relationship and you’re wondering if this might be the one, not kissing for three months means guys who say they want a commitment but really don’t, move on.
This leaves you free for the men who are looking for a relationship and feel you’ve got potential together.
And you know what? Those men appreciate the time to gain clarity about their compatibility checklist too.
Know that they’ll likely protest because men are designed to be more eager about sex than we are.
Think about their fertility cycles, versus ours. They’re made to be ready when we are!
“I can’t wait three months for a kiss!” (I can hear them all the way over here). So let them know, “That’s okay! You don’t have to! But I’m waiting to know someone before kissing because I don’t want to make mistakes and waste time. I’m not telling you what to do… I’m just letting you know what I’m doing.”
Then, let the sunshine glint off your beautiful smile like diamond sparkles off a lake.
Actions are what show true intention, not words. So if your actions say “I’m not playing around” and he stays, his actions are clearly showing HIS intent too.
What if he’s NOT ready to commit?
If that happens, and you’re tired of it all, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, grab a copy of No More Assholes – Your 7 Step Guide to Saying Goodbye to Guys and Finding The Real Man You’re Looking For and find someone really amazing.
I’ll walk you through everything you need to know about meeting someone who fits like a glove while showing you how those exact steps worked out in my life, and others. Finding the right man is half the battle, and the last thing you want to do is waste any more time.
If he IS ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage DEFINITELY read After The First Kiss– 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.
The greater he is, the more he’s worth reading this book.
This is the one that helps you avoid turning little things into relationship ending fights, and you’ll love how the steps inside helps you come even closer together, and create that long lasting intimacy and partnership you’re looking for.
Feel like you could use some help figuring the whole thing out? We can work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m super adept at giving you the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.