Should I Text Him Again?

02 Aug

Dear Chantal,

Last week I went on a first date with someone I was set up with through a mutual friend. We had a great time, had a lot in common, and the conversation flowed the whole night. He even mentioned having another dinner date. The day after our date and again yesterday he texted me to say he’d had a good time, and I said I did too and would love to do it again. He wrote back “same here,” but I haven’t’ heard from him since.

I’m wondering if I did something wrong. Was I too forward by saying I’d like to see him again? Should I send him another text? I liked him a lot and think this could go somewhere, what do you think I should do at this point?



Dear Valerie,

Another hot topic lately!

Letting him know you had a great time was perfect and is in fact something I always tell my clients to do. Men like to know when they got it right!

The fact is it’s never too early to tell someone you like how they light you up, because you never know when they’re going to start leaning in and applying what they learned about you in order to win your heart.

Here’s the thing about dating though – patience is your best friend.

Sometimes it takes a few turns inside a man’s head for him to come around to really settling into you. The key is letting him to come to the idea himself, otherwise it loses value in his mind. You’ve heard the age old “don’t tell me what to do” way men can be bullheaded? If you try too much to draw him in it backfires, and he may come forward but with a bit of subconscious, childish resentment.

You want to show interest, then see if he’s going to pursue matters. Leave it where it is, and see if he reaches out again. I like to do a 1 to 1 ratio for texting in the beginning, that way you’re investing but not over investing.

Keep in mind that he may be dating other people too, as should you. The first three months should be about observing his behaviour and noting what’s consistent versus what falls off. Have you ever read a paragraph that was missing letters or words (or even written backwards), yet your brain was filling in all the gaps and giving you a relatively seamless reading experience? This is actually one of the things that gets in our way when it comes to looking for love – we fill in gaps when in reality we should be giving time for them to fill themselves. Follow my no kissing for three months rule, and this will open you up to dating multiple men at once until you find someone who’s really leaning in beyond the 1.5 month mark and turning your crank with his consistent attention.

In the meantime listen to this once a day with headphones, it will help ease those anxious moments where you wonder if you did anything wrong. You didn’t. You’re fine :)  The right one is on your path, waiting for you to recognize him.  If you feel like listening to more soothing tracks to ease anxiety while you play this waiting game (instead of the Hoping Game, which guys love) I have a whole playlist called Let’s Meditate filled with great meditative music. Use headphones, because they’re Binaural Beats, which help your brain enter a meditative frequency faster, making your meditation time more efficient.

Using logic instead of just chemistry when you’re looking for The One will help you find him faster than if you get emotionally wrapped up in the wrong relationship for six months to maybe even years. Keep your heart and head free and open when you first meet someone, because three months of building chemistry – or not –  is nothing compared to finding the right man who’ll be by your side for the next 30 to 50 years.




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